We have waded neck deep into a festering gorgefest of greed for our money. Based only on the presumed love and undying adoration that we will have for our bundle of joy I am beseiged daily with websites and products and quotes and commercials some of which admittedly are so cute I want to barf rainbows but still…

I mean really... The worlds cutest thing... bleargghhhhhh

I mean really... The worlds cutest thing... bleargghhhhhh

I thought it was bad that people wanted to screw me out of loving my girlfriend, then fiance and now my wife a week before my birthday every year by forcing me to participate in the shameless capitalistic orgy that is Valentine’s Day. That was quickly overshadowed by the volcanic eruption of greed that enveloped us during the planning of our wedding. Vendors, shameless whores of low class, low quality dross would bombard us with ridiculous theme weddings, matching outfits, outlandish thousand dollar wedding cakes and inane pointless and unnecessarily expensive “keepsakes”. I just was not prepared, regardless of the fact that I had glimpsed behind the curtain of piggery when we had visited the Toronto Wedding Show, for the sheer pressure that is placed on happy couples to part with their money in the name of “love”.

Frankly, it makes me angry just thinking about it.

This is different. I am sure at the time our wedding was… well, no it wasn’t. I couldn’t stand the stench of rapacity during the countdown to our big day and thank the stars for my wonderful wife without whom I would no doubt have the heads of several Wedding Planners on my wall. But this is different since really when it comes down to it nothing, and I mean NOTHING changes your life like becoming a parent does. So although I feel suffocated by avarice for my hard earned money, I can’t help but understand why. Let’s be honest, aside from Anne Geddes the Demon Goddess of Baby Cruelty there is nothing cuter than certain kinds of baby pictures. Especially when it’s yours.

Oh, and don’t bother commenting about Ms. Geddes. I place her in the same category as people who enter their children in beauty pageants, putting ball gowns and makeup on 4 to 8 year olds. It’s child abuse, you know it, I know it and people like that should be forced to go to work naked for a year to taste the kind of emotional scarring they are subjecting their kids to. On that happy note… Happy Birthday to me!